Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it. But I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Uncharted Waters

I used to think I knew everything about parenting a two-year old. I used to say parenting a toddler was the easy stuff...black and white. You can't hit your sister, you can put your hands in the toilet, you can't pull items off the shelf at T@rget, if you are throwing a tantrum you go into time out until you chill out and then we will talk it out. Black and white.
Lately I've been treading in a lot of gray areas, that is what happens when you have a toddler that does all the fun things a normal toddler does, but to the extremes.
Extremes not out of being naughty, but out of fear, nervousness and anxiety. I have read several adoption parenting books and Mina seems to have text-book attachment issues.
She tests me daily, sometimes I pass, sometimes I fail. I am having to parent her in a way that feels completely foreign to me. I don't have all the answers anymore. We have good days and really difficult days. Discipline doesn't work with her, it sets her back. Discipline is how I work, I used to say, "If you can't control your 4 yr old than you won't be able to control your 14 yr old" Set the standards early and your kids will know you mean business and you will save yourself a load of problems as they grow. My approach is being tested, I am trying to work it out. I am nervous and hopeful at the same time. I love her with all of my heart and I am committed to figuring out what makes her tick. She is most definitely a sweet, vivacious, funny little girl with a smile to light up a room. We just need to work some stuff out. And then there is this child, the one who seems to feel the most comfortable in her own skin. Sure she's still a baby, but I have a feeling she is going to be a mellow one.. I pray that she will be a mellow one.

9 comments:

Love for Lilly Yin said...

You spoke the very words on my heart today. We are experiencing...problems. I am reading too, but many times I just have no idea what to do. I love this girl beyond words, and I want to help her heart heal. We will work on it, and pray, and pray.

Gretchen said...

I will be praying for you and Mina. Poor baby has been through so much in her short life. It will all work.

Nicole said...

Amy, thanks for the comments on my blog! LOVE your blog! I added you to my links list so I won't misplace your blog again! Praying for you and Mina. Our Logan LOVES to be purposefully disobidient! It's is favorite thing in life!

:-)
-Nicole
www.bakerssweets.blogspot.com

Cocorue said...

i trust it's just a phase she's going through AND with your love and guidance, i have no doubt she'll surprise you one day soon.....

she's beautiful and looks really happy.....eh when she's not a pain???

chikisses from your chi admirer
coco and her mumster, lilian

Elizabeth said...

you're such a good mama...

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy.. I'm Aimee. In Concord.. we both know Michelle and Makenna. We travelled just after you did. Our Caiya is 22 months old.
Do you know there is a very good attachment therapist in Mint Hill or Matthews.. somewhere in that area. Our pastor (who's adopting from Ethiopia) and his wife have been going to see him and they are so excited about the pre-therapy sessions.
Let me know if you need the name.. I'll find out from them.
Blessings!
Aimee
http://adoptinglittleone.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy.. I'm Aimee. In Concord.. we both know Michelle and Makenna. We travelled just after you did. Our Caiya is 22 months old.
Do you know there is a very good attachment therapist in Mint Hill or Matthews.. somewhere in that area. Our pastor (who's adopting from Ethiopia) and his wife have been going to see him and they are so excited about the pre-therapy sessions.
Let me know if you need the name.. I'll find out from them.
Blessings!
Aimee
http://adoptinglittleone.blogspot.com

Britt said...

Hi-I love your blog and reading your updates. I have 3 kiddos from China and one is from Dongguan. I just wanted to mention the book, The Connected Child, by Karyn Purvis. We too are dealing with some attachment issues with our oldest, she just turned 5. Best wishes, remember you are not alone, and things will get better.

Flamingo Mama said...

hi there! i found your blog from Amy's blog.

your girls are just gorgeous. i read this post last night and couldn't stop thinking about it. we came back from china in april. our daughter is 3 and is doing awesome and has little attachment issues. i keep thinking of doing it again. but i'm more scared this time than i was the 1st time!
what if we have a kiddo with major issues and defiance? aagh! we had a hard time bonding with her this 1st go round...now at 7 months home we love her to death.

i also was curious which agency you used? your referal for your littlest one was obviously quick. i would love to bring a really little one home next time, we need to be sure we are supposed to do this again 1st!