There is something to be said for the Nature vs. Nurture principle.... Our little family is a psychoanalyst dream when it comes to nature vs. nurture. I truly believe that we are born with a keen sense of who we are...our likes and dislikes, our strengths and weaknesses. I grew up in a household where our skin color was the same but I couldn't have felt more different. Then I grew up and had my own biological children
there is something amazing about sharing space with people who look like you and act like you. Watching my children develop the same mannerisms, the same strengths, the same weaknesses blows my mind. I watch my 7 year old, who inherited my shy reserved demeanor and love of yoga pants, she hates "performing" in any sense of the word... for goodness sake she won't even play charades with me. But I get her, it doesn't frustrate me, I completely understand why she is who she is. While this is not a profound example it is as simple as it gets. Now on the flip side, I watch the way Mina works, she is so unlike me, so unlike her older siblings. She is intense, ultra focused, TALKATIVE, loves being the center of attention, can size a person up in seconds flat. To say I have to parent her a little differently than Kobi is an understatement. Parenting my bio kids seemed a bit easier, as I feel like I have this little window into what makes them tick. What I have to embrace being an adoptive
parent is that I need raise my children as individuals, it has been a great insight for me, I think I will be a better parent to all of my children because of it. Mina may grow to be nothing like me, she may have completely different interest, different style, different passions and different values, but I love her with all of my heart so I need to let go of any preconceived notions of MY dreams for my kids now. As their mother I need to set boundaries and instill morals, but apart from that I need to let them be who they are, not who I want them to be. It is harder than it sounds, but this I know for sure. Everyone wants to feel understood and if I continue to raise my children to meet all of MY dreams for them... I will miss out on knowing all that they could be, and in turn they will feel unloved and unworthy. I am so excited for their future, I hope they all surprise me, I hope I can resist putting them in little boxes of expectation, they deserve so much better.