Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it. But I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Missing pieces..

For a year and a half I have been trying to find this small piece of a huge puzzle. When we adopted Mina we knew that she had lived with a foster family. I had so wanted to meet the foster family but I was not allowed, so I tried to get at least a photo and it proved quite difficult. Yesterday morning, sitting in my email inbox, was this photo. Mina "Kang Ni's" foster mother.
I am glad to have the photo, but it leaves my heart with more questions. It was another reminder that my daughter's life didn't start the day I showed up at the civil affairs office in Changsha China. She was in pretty rough shape that afternoon, and I will always wonder about the conditions of her first year and a half. I wish I could have been there from the very first moment of her life, I wish I could answer all the questions she will someday have, the same questions that plague my head now. I will admit that I never expected adoption to be as complex as it is. I had the fantasy of bringing home a child, giving a child a family and everything would go on status quo. It is humbling to see a two year old child filled with anxiety over your affections and every attention, to know that you alone will never be able to fill the voids created by that earlier life. I pray that God will fill her cup overflowing, as only he can.

5 comments:

rgshrs said...

I know just how you feel, and Devyn's adoption seems to have triggered a stream of questions from Julia already, I admit I wasn't ready for them yet. I thought I had a little more time. It is so hard having so few answers for her:(

Sooner Girl said...

We also tried to locate our daughter's foster mother while visiting the orphanage in May. It's so difficult to get information. We (Me-Kathy, my husband-Blake, our three daughters, and our newly adopted son-Jack Henry) met you and your husband in Guangzhou this past spring. We were the family from Oklahoma. I hope you all are doing well.

Jennifer Barbee said...

I share your same emotions on this one. BTW, I love that you can see the clock in the pic behind Mia. You'll always know the exact time you first held her :).

Hebnix said...

Wow. You are not alone. I know exactly the feeling.

Mommy said...

Again--you are not alone. Unanswered questions are at times too much. Obviously I have a few more pieces than you do for Mina but I understand where you are coming from. It's your Mommy heart. He will fill her as only He can. You are so right.