I will probably have a panic attack after hitting publish on this post. I usually keep my personal life pretty close to my heart. I know I am laying myself out raw here and opening myself up to so much judgement...not like I don't get it anyway :) Believe me I get it daily...18 years later I thought it would have ended a long time ago, but it hasn't. Every time I tell someone I have a teenager their head spins and they end up asking me how old I am and then I can tell they are doing the math and passing judgement.... I wish it didn't hurt, but it does. I get so ticked when I feel judged because I feel like someone is trying to cheapen the love I have for my firstborn, which is sorely incorrect. I was young when I had Collin. I immediately wrapped my whole life up in this child. He was my everything. He raised me as much as I raised him. We went through some really rough times, him and I. We were alone for several years just getting by but having so much fun together. I worked my tail off working two jobs and he was the center of my universe. Because of these times I think we have always had a very special relationship even now. I am feeling big emotions this week as we just finished packing up his room and loading up the mini-van to take him off to college. It's a big deal for all parents, but I fell like a huge piece of who I am is moving on.
I am going to have to be an adult without him in my daily life, something I have never known. I don't know why I'm sharing this heavy burden with you all. I usually keep it to myself and try to guard it with all of my heart. But I just feel like letting it go.. and putting it all out there.. Here is the photo that just wrecks me. A true full circle moment.
Here is a short video I made for him and we watched it together last night.. we both cried
We are off to the beach in the morning and then we will be headed straight for NC State to drop him off at the dorms. I'm heavy hearted for sure.