Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it. But I'm afraid God might ask me the same question.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Why I sometimes feel like the Bachelor...

Much to my husbands displeasure, I have just started to watch this season of the B@chelor.  I've watched two whole episodes and for some reason, I have added it to Tiv0.  It's kinda like the cliche train wreck.  I feel for these woman, and why they felt the need to go on a show like that, and I pray that my daughters would never do anything remotely similar...I would be crushed. 

Anywhoo...I also have my moments lately where my life somewhat resembles this show, at least in my own twisted head :)   Let me give you and example with a 20 minute excerpt of my life...


First let me set the stage...
1.)  Early in the morning Ty likes to be the first one awake so he can sneak in my room, climb under the covers and have 30 minutes of undivided mama love.  Well, this morning, much to his chagrin, he came into my room and sweet Finnley had already taken his coveted spot.  Boy looked like he got kicked in the gut.  We quickly made room for him, and gave lots of kisses and cuddles but you could tell he was crushed. 

2.)  Mina has been doing really good lately.  We have been working on her using her words when she is feeling anxious.  The "mantra" goes something like this, "Mina baby, if you need some cuddles and attention you have to tell me.  If you need to have some space and alone time you have to tell me. But you can not act "freaky" to me. Okay baby? "   "Okay, Mommy".  It sounds a little harsh but it is the simplest way to get the point across and she totally gets it.  She used to get anxious and go to this scary place, and then  when you talked to her she would get n.a.s.t.y!  The freaky looks something like this...


or this...
 or this... it is just this kinda far out place where she climbs outta herself.  It scares me, it makes me sad...But she is getting better and using her words!!!  Yippee.  

Ok, so stage set. 

So this morning we are of course running a little behind schedule.  The little 3 are sitting at the counter eating breakfast, which they "helped" prepare.  I am rushing around (shocker).  When Mina so nicely says, " Mama, when I finish my breakfast will you cuddle with me?" So I say "Of course baby doll, I would love to cuddle with you."  For a second I beam inside because my girl is feeling anxious and she just says she needs me, love it.  So one second passes and Ty is in on it looking as anxious as ever and he says, " Mama, no you cuddle with me..when I finish breakfast, you cuddle me!"  


Slam, so here we go, now we are juggling the contestants. I know I am going to have to channel my inner bachelor right about now.   These two are in a race for my affection.  I can't wait until they understand that I don't just have one rose, one proposal, I am NOT the bachelor.  I am their Mama and my heart has grown so large that it is near popping these last few years.  I love these kids like crazy, all of them and I need to make them feel it.. all at the same time.  



So, I say to Ty, "baby, after breakfast I am going to cuddle Mina while you get ready for school, and then I will cuddle with you, okay?"  His response...silence as he scarfs down the rest of his breakfast and runs upstairs to get changed.  The race is ON. 

Mina finishes soon after so I scoop her up and carry her upstairs, we cuddle.  I hold her close and sing her a few outta tune verse of you are my sunshine. (Ty is peeking in the door the whole time) Then I carry her to the bathroom cause she needs a tissue.  I end up sitting on the toilet (seat cover down, thank you very much) and wiping her nose and talking to her. 

 Ty rushes right in... "Mama, I have to go potty"  To which I say, "Ty, go in Mama's bathroom and go potty" and he responds with a mischievous little grin...he knows I know what he is up to he wants me to put Mina down and move outta the way :)

 I return my attention to Mina, I say, " Mina, I love you, you are so special, did you know you are my heart, you are my dream?"  To which she replies, " Mama do you love Ty, is Ty special, is Finn special"  What she MEANS is, "Mama, I need to know you love me best, I don't want to compete with these other contestants."   So I say, "You do not need to worry about my love for Ty and Finn...just know that I love you, you are so special, you are my girl, I want to glue you to my body and walk around with you for the rest of my life (this I know is her secret dream :))"  "  "Now baby, go on down stairs and get your shoes and your backpack ready for school. We have to leave in a few minutes and Mama isn't even dressed."

So Mina scurries away and Ty is right there waiting for me.  I scoop him up and take him into my room, I hold him like a two year old while we talk and I try to get my clothes out for the day.  (we have about 5 minutes until we need to leave the house)  I pick out my clothes and we go sit on my bed.  I hold him like a newborn (his favorite) and sing the "B@rney" I love you, you love me song to him. I rub his sweet face, cuddle him, tell him how much I love him. Then smooch on him 'till he is a pile of giggles.  We are now officially late.  Then I say, "okay baby, Mama needs to get dressed so we can get to school, go get your shoes on and your backpack ready"  His reply, "no mama, I stay here, you get dressed, then you come cuddle with me" 


Needless to say we were super late. and I feel sad because I know that it will take so much more of this juggling to make these two feel secure in my love for them.  I am not good a juggling, I am not that coordinated, and I get a little exhausted.   
I don't know how the B@chelor does it... All these crazy insecure woman that sign up for this heartbreak.  It's not normal to see your mate playing the field, I get it.  But me, I'm not a mate, I am a Mama, I have got to spread the love.  It feels so strange to hug one child, and look over and see the look of pain and jealously on another child's face.... But this is what I signed up for, I won't walk away.  I will play the game, and I am determined to win. Most of all I am determined to make sure that THEY ALL win!  

11 comments:

Stephanie said...

Oooo! What a good analogy! It so fits, doesn't it?! I find it hard to juggle, too, and I've only got two kiddos.
Hang in there! You are a great momma!

Cara said...

OK Amy, this is JUST what I needed! We leave in 3.5 weeks to get our daughter (you reviewed her file for me right after you got back from China with Ty :0) I am soooo worried about my oldest son and how he's going to handle sharing me even more. I know he's going to love, love, love his little sister, but he's fairly demanding of my attention AND affection. I know I can do it with 3 kids if you can do it with 6!

Jenny said...

YOU are such a GREAT mama!!!! Your kids are so blessed to have you!!

Sarah said...

I love reading about your adorable family, although I have never commented before. This was one of my favorite posts... I am a little addicted to The Bachelor (show) myself so it really made me laugh.

I have two boys and would LOVE to adopt one day. My husband was not really for the idea until he watched your gotcha videos. He was so ready to go to China after seeing and hearing about your story. Maybe one day...

Shannon, Penny, Elias, Norah and soon to be Samuel..... said...

OHHH how I needed this. I have been stressing to the MAX about juggling the 2 I have and then adding #3 into the mix. Thank you!!!

Kristi said...

Oh. how. I. relate! My three frequently do the same. And I have one that does the freaky thing from time to time soon.
Thank you for putting this out there and showing your resolve to make sure all your kids know how much you love them. I need to face this problem head on in my house too!

Truly Blessed said...

BUT...you are wise enough to recognize that your kids need you to meet those needs, do you know how many parents would be oblivious?

So you're late to school...they're not in honors graduate courses and they'll be just fine.

You go, Mama!

Mommy said...

So proud of you! You are right...they ALL will win. Why? Because they have you in their corner. HANG IN THERE!

chksngr said...

Right there with you girl! And I only have TWO that compete...i cannot begin to fathom SIX plus a husband...I would be in an asylum! You rock girl!

Kathleen said...

Hey girlie - I had to step away from this post and let it soak for a while, it was so powerful and eloquent. I love you so much for your selflessness and constantly having to be alert to the needs of your precious brood. So many times me and my ADD self "tizz around" trying to make dinner, clean up, answer emails, organize things for school...Adam even called me out on it once - "Mommy - you ALWAYS say '...in just a minute!" (ouch!) Thanks so much for the reminder - grab those minutes while we can, before they slip away. My heart breaks, thinking how - despite the love you blanket them with - there is that innate possessiveness/envy your kiddos have...so sweet that they want you all to themselves that way, but heartbreaking in that you want them to trust that they DO have you, and always will. Thanks for continuing to keep it real by sharing your heart - xoxo!

Amy D. said...

Amy---love the bachelor analogy...totally perfect! Just so ya know...you are so not alone in feeling like you are spread thin in the sharing of mama love! I have daily moments like you had, and always see the sad eyes peeking while I am cuddling this one or that one. It IS hard! But... I also agree with you..this is a battle that can be won. Love is a crazy thing, it grows like a weed.
And mama love grows even faster..and so will their security. Just keep on keepin on..you are doing great! And know I'm in your corner!
Hugs!
Amy D.
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